Denny sues Bert McAdams, the owner of his favorite pizza shop, after he finds the place closed due to flooding after a storm. Bert points out that it wasn’t his fault the store was destroyed. Denny should sue either God for the storm, or the National Guard for not showing up to save the store. Alan agrees, and proposes they sue the Guard. Shirley’s granddaughter, Marlena Huffman, interrupts a firm meeting to ask for help. Upset about the sub-par education she’s getting at her public high school, she shredded a government-issued standardized test… and threw it at her principal. Now Principal Daniels has expelled her. Alan and Denny bring their case before wacky Judge Clark Brown, and as usual he finds suing the National Guard during wartime despicable. He warns them that if their case turns out to be baseless, he’ll jail Alan and Denny for contempt.

Shirley, Whitney, and Marlena visit Principal Daniels. Shirley asks him to kindly reconsider the expulsion. Before he can respond, Marlena tells him what she thinks of him and his rotten school. Then Whitney threatens to ruin him and the public school system in court if he doesn’t take her back. Needless to say, the expulsion stands. Sack saddens Shirley when he lets her know he’s considering returning to New York because he feels ineffective and unhappy in such a crazy office. Alan argues that the root cause of their suit is that the National Guard was busy fighting a pointless war when they had duties to protect the people here at home. When he goes on a rant about how America could better the world with all the money we’ve wasted on the war, Judge Brown dismisses their case… and has Alan and Denny jailed for contempt. On the stand Marlena testifies before Judge Isabel Fisher that while she was abroad in England, she realized how inferior her education was compared to that of her British friends. She feels the standardized test the state requires is rigged to mask the student’s lack of knowledge, and ensure government funding is not jeopardized. She felt shredding the test was a good way to protest the entire system. Judge Brown finally releases Alan and Denny from jail under the condition that he never, ever see them again.

Alan and Denny decide to do something for their country. They try to enlist in the National Guard, but are turned away for being too old. Insulted, they argue with the recruiter until he threatens to have them arrested. Undeterred, they do some research… and discover that the Coast Guard Reserve has no age limit. To Sack’s irritation they head off to join up. Defense Attorney Adam Jovanka makes his closing argument for the school, stating that they have the right to expel students who destroy school property. Under Shirley’s cross-examination, Principal Daniels admits that the school system is flawed. When she broaches the subject of federal funding he snaps, and rails at the failure of the No Child Left Behind program that the schools are forced to follow. Daniels’ attorney tries to cut him off, but it’s too late: he’s helped make her case. Shirley again tries to get Sack to “go with the flow” at the office. He confides that he’s scared because he’s starting to enjoy himself here. Knowing Shirley’s history with men, he’s worried that she may tire of him. In a tender moment they give in to their feelings with a gentle kiss.

Judge Fisher is moved by Shirley’s closing, pointing out that with all the young people struggling with their grades at school, truly intelligent students like Marlene should be the last ones kicked out. The Judge admits that Marlene needs to be punished for destroying the tests; but that a suspension, not an expulsion, is more in line with the crime. Marlene is overjoyed with the verdict, and asks a final favor of granny Shirley: a summer job at the firm. On the balcony Alan and Denny (dressed in rented Coast Guard uniforms) share a cigar and a drink. Denny claims that being in the Coast Guard makes him feel virile. After discussing the sad state of world affairs, Alan admits that in spite of President Bush they have it pretty good. Denny defends Bush as brilliant, saying that playing dumb makes the people around him try even harder. He smiles as he reminds Alan that women love men in uniform, and they toast as a military march-song brings the show to an end.