Barney's Blog: The Bro Mitzvah

  
Bromitzvah

By Barney Stinson

Last night was my bachelor party and in true Stinson fashion, it was legendary.  I suppose a little credit is owed to my fiancée, Robin, who organized the entire night, but most of the credit should go to me because I did all the heavy lifting by coming up with the term “bro mitzvah.”  Now, while a bar mitzvah is the event wherein a boy becomes a man, a bro mitzvah is the event wherein a man becomes a bro.  Here are some of the major differences between a bar mitzvah and a bro mitzvah:

 - At a bar mitzvah, the boy sings a section of the Torah.  At a bro mitzvah, the bro gives a dramatic reading of his favorite Penthouse Forum Letter.

 - At a bar mitzvah, the boy wears a head covering called a yarmulke.  At a bro mitzvah, the bro wears a head covering called a foam dome.

 - At a bar mitzvah, the boy receives congratulatory greeting cards, often filled with twenty, fifty or one hundred dollar bills.  At a bro mitzvah, the bro receives congratulatory manila envelopes, filled with one dollar bills for use at the strip club.

 - At a bar mitzvah, the boy celebrates with members of his immediate and extended family.  At a bro mitzvah, the bro’s family is strictly forbidden from attending.

 - At a bar mitzvah, the boy dances with his friends while the girls watch.  At a bro mitzvah, the bro dances with girls while his friends watch.

 - At a bar mitzvah, the boy lights candles to honor his friends and family.  At a bro mitzvah, the bro lights the cheap, over-the-counter cigar that Ted “sprang” for.

 - At a bar mitzvah, the boy fills up on gum and cake.  At a bro mitzvah, the bro gets drunk on rum and Cokes. 

 - At a bar mitzvah, the family often hires a professional photographer to commemorate the event.  At a bro mitzvah, a bro is put in charge of aggressively enforcing the “no camera” policy with swift yet powerful kicks to the nuts.

 - At a bar mitzvah, the boy gives a loving speech thanking his parents.  At a bro mitzvah, the bro slurs his speech and vomits on the sidewalk.

 - At a bar mitzvah, the boy celebrates his journey into manhood.  At a bro mitzvah, the bro blacks out and wakes up the next day with unexplained bruising.

Become a fan of FOUR on Facebook , on Twitter .

Bromitzvah

Barney's Blog: The Bro Mitzvah

Last night was my bachelor party and in true Stinson fashion, it was legendary...

Barney's Mail Sack

Barney's Blog: Uncle Barney's Mail Sack

Gather ‘round boys and girls, because it’s time to unload Uncle Barney’s Mail Sack all over everybody.

The Weekend at Barney's

I’ve come up with another ingenious play to pick up busty dullards.

Barney's Blog How I Met Your Mother

Barney's Blog: THE SPLENDIFEROUS ADVENTURES

What up, bros and hotties! I recently made a new friend...

Keep in Touch FOUR on Facebook FOUR on Twitter FOUR on YouTube Make FOUR my homepage