The Art of Conversation
The Art of Conversation.
This article is titled the Art of Conversation, because it is, an Art. Some people find conversation easy and make it look effortless. So much so, that you may think it’s inherent in one’s personality and that you “just aren’t good at small talk”.
This isn’t entirely true. Whilst there are those people who are naturally charming, conversation, like any other art, may be mastered by practice. Outlined below are simply a few tips and tricks to help you get started, there’s over 7 billion of us humans out there – that’s a lot of conversations you could be missing out on!
Two Ears, One Mouth
Most people would define the benefit or value of a conversation by what they said or what they contributed. This is their first mistake.
The art of conversation begins, and ends, with listening. When you genuinely listen (not just pretend while you wait for your turn to talk again), you will subconsciously exhibit positive body language (helping your guest feel relaxed) and you will find it far easier to keep the conversation flowing.
Open –ended Questions
Flow is as important in a conversation as it is in a rapper. To keep a conversation flowing, listen to your guest speak, gather the gist of their statement (ie: subject, adjectives and verbs) then press them further. Not in an interrogatory way, but in an investigative one. Avoid questions that can be answered by a yes or a no (closed questions).
For example:
She: “I saw the Tin Tin movie yesterday. It’s just as funny as I remembered!”
An appropriate (investigative, open) response: “Tin Tin, that’s right, I saw that was coming out. What was your favourite bit?”
An inappropriate (interrogative, closed) response: “Tin Tin? Is that movie actually funny?”
Context is Key
Where you are dictates what is appropriate in terms of conversation. Leave the fart jokes to your mates and the political debates to your family!
If you’re at a business dinner, great conversation starters include: news events, the current environment (ie: food, wine, restaurant), famous people, travel, science and sports. If you’ve met your company before, a great impression can be made by asking them about something you’d learnt previously (ie: family, sports etc.).
Avoid: religion, financial situations, scandal (affairs/ divorce etc.) or personal health issues.
The First Date
Conversation is easy with people you know – but when you’ve just met someone and want to make a good impression, sometimes the mind goes blank! For those mind blank moments, it’s great to have a few fail-safe conversation starters and things to avoid.
No Exes! Everyone has baggage. A first date should be about her, and painting yourself in her mind as someone she can have a great time with. Talking about her ex will only make her bring back memories (he’s in her past for a reason), and worse, talking about your ex could make her feel like you are comparing them, or worse, you're still not over your ex!
Talk about her past and future plans. Travel, her education, her family, or career aspirations – they should get your conversation back on track.
Talk about yourself. She’s there because she’s interested in you, not just because she thinks you’ll listen to her. Be inspirational, talk about how cool your mates are, your future goals, things you love about your job… but try to avoid bitching.
Conversations have taken humanity to the pinnacle of civilisation, so get out there, start conversations, make friends, go on more dates and don’t be afraid of rejection. Both sexes appreciate a confident man who can hold a conversation and the old adage is true – practice makes perfect.
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